Self Compassion
I am taking a class this semester called Foundations of Mindfulness.
It has been one of the most intriguing courses I have taken throughout
college. Currently, I am reading an article entitled The Power of
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. She is a professor in human development
and culture at the University of Texas, Austin. She discusses our culture’s
lack of self-compassion. The idea that we value compassion towards
others, but we do not extend that same compassion toward ourselves.
She provides a few possible reasons for this lack of self-compassion.
The main reason she provides is we believe in order to be motivated
we must be self-critical. However, she goes on to cite research showing
self-criticism is strongly linked to depression–which is clearly not a
motivational factor. The article goes on to explain the difference between
self-compassion and self-esteem. This is the portion of the article I
found to be the most beneficial and eye-opening.
“Self-esteem is all about being special and above average. You subtly try to
position yourself above other people so you can maintain your self-esteem.
But self-compassion is about shared humanity—it’s all about being average.
It’s about being a human: We have strengths and beautiful qualities, and we
have weaknesses; we succeed and we fail and it’s all part of this shared
human condition.”
The interviewer then goes on to ask Neff about the empirical benefits
of practicing self-compassion
JM: Looking back over the last decade or so of research, what are the
findings that you think really attest to the benefits of self-compassion?
KN: Well, there’s the data supporting the fact that self-compassion has
the same mental health benefits as self-esteem: less depression, more
optimism, greater happiness, more life satisfaction. But self-compassion
offers the benefits without the drawbacks of self-esteem. Self- esteem is
associated with narcissism; self-compassion isn’t. It’s self-compassion,
not self- esteem, that predicts stability of self-worth—a type of self-worth
that isn’t contingent on outcomes—as well as less social comparison,
less reactive anger.
No matter what one’s view on this whole idea of self-compassion, we
cannot deny that we live in a world where people have a difficult time loving themselves. I don’t think the answer is to turn inwards and not love one
another; however, I do think at some point we have to break this pattern.
And I believe it may need to come from a place of self-compassion. My
what a different world we would live in if instead of putting ourselves on a
hierarchy against other people–hoping to rank above at least a few–we
chose to see ourselves in line with all of humanity-imperfect and surprised
to be loved, saved by grace.
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